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Wednesday, March 5th, 2003

All Apologies

This comes from This Hour Has 22 Minutes, via Ian. Grand stuff.

On behalf of Canadians everywhere I’d like to offer an apology to the United States of America. We haven’t been getting along very well recently and for that, I am truly sorry.

I’m sorry we called George Bush a moron. He is a moron but it wasn’t nice of us to point it out. If it’s any consolation, the fact that he’s a moron shouldn’t reflect poorly on the people of America. After all it’s not like you actually elected him.

I’m sorry about our softwood lumber. Just because we have more trees than you doesn’t give us the right to sell you lumber that’s cheaper and better than your own.

I’m sorry we beat you in Olympic hockey. In our defence I guess our excuse would be that our team was much, much, much, much better than yours.

I’m sorry we burnt down your white house during the war of 1812. I notice you’ve rebuilt it! It’s Very Nice.

I’m sorry about your beer. I know we had nothing to do with your beer but we Feel your Pain.

I’m sorry about our waffling on Iraq. I mean, when you’re going up against a crazed dictator, you wanna have your friends by your side. I realize it took more than two years before you guys pitched in against Hitler, but that was different. Everyone knew he had weapons.

And finally on behalf of all Canadians, I’m sorry that we’re constantly apologizing for things in a passive-aggressive way, which is really a thinly veiled criticism. I sincerely hope that you’re not upset over this.

We’ve seen what you do to countries you get upset with.

A lot of folks are talking about the new Blur album. I’m a little surprised at how little I care. Graham Coxon was the only thing that made them interesting to me, and now that he’s gone, I can imagine Damon’s ego will be running unchecked. Oh well.

Interesting – Ticketmaster (I ain’t linking to those bastards) are listing Arthur Lee and Love coming to Lee’s Palace on August 6. This is interesting because the last time Love tried to come up to Canada, they were blocked from entering the country on account of Lee’s criminal record. I wonder if they’ve sorted that out? I’d love to catch his show, either way. Last time he ended up in Buffalo instead of T.O. I’d make the drive, I think.

Update: – I’d originally said the apology bit was by Rick Mercer. It was actually done on This Hour Has 22 Minutes by Colin Mochrie. Um, sorry.

np – Wilco / Yankee Hotel Foxtrot Demos

By : Frank Yang at 12:59 pm
Category: Uncategorized
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